My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
third nipple confirmed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
