"it" just moved
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
