So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
