I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
