thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
