Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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