Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
