I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
