Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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