May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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