I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
