I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
