So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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