she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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