Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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