At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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