i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sext me about skeletons
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
