Me. At least after what I've been through.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
