I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
