so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
