are you so shy because you have an std?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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