Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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