they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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