I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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