I wish I could teleport
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
