Say something about gay babies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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