come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
