Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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