Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just high enough for therapy.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
