i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
