so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
