Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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