I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
