fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
