I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize