you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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