We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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