Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
