capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm at about main and main street
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
