I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
two words: eviction party
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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