He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
