Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
