Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
