Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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