Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize