So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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