I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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