Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
