Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
