I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
