just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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