my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
