just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
