i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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