Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize