I faked an abortion last night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
