I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Fuck appropriateness.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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