I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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