He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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