If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
