Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
