JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize