It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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