I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
