I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
