I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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