have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
