I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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