I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
