never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
